Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
