I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
