Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
