the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
