Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
