Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
