lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
