Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
