PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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