You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
