My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
