Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
