The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
