OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
