I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
