OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
