Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
