No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
