Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
