I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
