Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
