One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
