You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's shark week go big or go home
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
