We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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