Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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