What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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