Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
