He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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