Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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