How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
