I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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