he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
