Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
