I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
