i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
