I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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