even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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