so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
