u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
