I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
