I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
