He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
