I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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