She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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