i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
