My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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