The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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