You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
