so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i love accidental penises.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
