Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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