Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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