I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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