pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
