I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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