i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
