I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
