ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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